Top Ten Fears

Did I ever tell you that I’m petrified about writing this book?  I think that’s why I’m not finished already.  Fear definitely creates writer’s block, and writer’s block translates into an unwritten memoir.  But my God is not the God of fear, and I’m determined to conquer!

1. It’s not going to be good enough.  I know that’s vague, and it probably encompasses all the other fears, but overall, that’s the problem.  But honestly, who cares if it’s good enough?  I need to remember that I write for a readership of One.

2. I might offend my family.  I want to be honest, but I also want to honor them, especially Big Mommy.  How do you address hard issues and still come out smelling rosy?  Prayer.

3. I won’t get published.  I know that sounds arrogant, but I really do want a “real” publisher to take this book.  I’ve seen some of the stuff out there that gets published, and despite my fears of not being good enough, I know I’m at least that good.  And I can’t really afford the time or money it takes to self-publish, aside from the blow to my pride.  But that’s the issue, isn’t it?  My purpose and goal must be far beyond a published book; that should keep me humble.

4. I won’t have enough material.  But….  Big Mommy wrote a lot.  There’s a lot on my heart.  And what God wants me to write will be just enough.

5. My heart is in the wrong place.  I already mentioned the pride issue.  Sure, I’d love to have a book in Barnes & Noble and at the library.  I’d love to receive some kind of monetary compensation for my work.  And those goals can supercede the right ones.  Lord, please remind me daily that You are my audience and that You have a purpose for me and for Trugars!

6. I won’t see a positive change.  Beyond my selfish goals, I truly do want to see lives changed.  I’d love to get fan mail one day, talking about how restoration occured because of what someone had read.  But even more than that, I want to see my family healed and whole.  Will I be able to play any kind of healing role?  And then I remember, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I honor Jesus, and that He loves them even more than I do.  I just have to write what He tells me to (which means listening).

7. And that brings me to #7.  Am I listening?  Jill Bond, who wrote Dinner’s in the Freezer! and Writing to God’s Glory, says that she prays 10 hours for every one hour that she writes.  She recommends that beginning writer’s at least try for a 3:1 ratio.  Not sure I have that down.  But I need to!  Thankfully, God’s pretty good at using a two-by-four when my ears are stopped up.

8. Nobody will like the stories (or me!).  But people have told me that they DO like them, and even if they didn’t, I would still have a purpose in writing.  My identity must be found in Christ alone.

9. The words won’t come.  Each and every time I sit down to write, I worry that nothing new will come.  Even today, even with this list, even with all my trembling trepidation, I worried (feared!) that I couldn’t come up with 10.  And here we are….

10. I won’t know what step to take next.  But I just need to keep walking.  Which is why I’m writing this blog in the first place, to be a reminder and an encouragement to write, write, write.

Now, all that admitting makes me feel the need for a little pat on the back.  Would you mind reminding me that this really is a good idea?  More importantly than your encouraging comments though, would you please pray for me whenever you think of this endeavor?  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

          ~ Audrey ~


"Top Ten Tuesday"This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday.  Thanks for the inspiration, Oh Amanda!

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